


and if you lose yourself (i'll find you)

by lais



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst?, Fluff, M/M, PRATUANDRAEAREGONNAKILLME, Reincarnation, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, ishouldstudyhuh, wannaone - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 16:03:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17046656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lais/pseuds/lais
Summary: woojin thinks that the universe has an odd way of making things happen.or, a reincarnation!au, where jihoon is the crown prince, and woojin is his best knight, who are proof that love is indeed timeless.





	and if you lose yourself (i'll find you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littleheavens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleheavens/gifts), [byungari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/byungari/gifts), [991102](https://archiveofourown.org/users/991102/gifts).



 

 

 

> I'll build a city that dreams for two,  
> And if you lose yourself,  
> I will find you.
> 
> -  _Find You,_ Zedd

 

* * *

 

**Past Time (15th Century)**

 

The universe tends to have its own plan when it comes to running things. You can never predict the future when it constantly changes, and you never know what card you pulled from a deck if y ou never know what faces lie on the other side. It’s a never-ending game that we play, where we must stay on our toes in order to face whatever the universe chooses to throw at us.

To put it simply, the universe has a way of making things happen that nobody can explain besides the simple answer, “It’s fate.”

At least, this is what Park Woojin thinks. 

He’s a knight that lives in the medieval times, so of course he would think this way. Whenever he gets thrown onto the battlefield because the royals get into another argument, he thinks this way. When he sees his comrades that were once living now dead, he thinks this way. He thought this way when he got pulled from his large family and decided to become a knight so his little siblings could live without starving, and to make sure that his bedridden mother can take care of her poor health. 

He can’t get angry. Why should he? If the universe had planned this for him, the only thing he can do is accept it. He’s a human, not a god. What else could he do?

It’s a phrase that he wears on his sleeve and lives by. Woojin chooses not to question things that he doesn’t know the answer to, but simply follows what lies ahead in the future for him. 

“Sir Park Woojin,” the crown prince states, resting the blade of the silver sword onto Woojin’s shoulder, “You may raise your head.”

He had came that night to deliver a message that the royal guards had found out, reporting directly to the prince himself. They were in the Old Church, where the prince had asked them to meet in secret. 

The crown prince, Park Jihoon, was next in line to the throne. He’s unlike most royals that Woojin knows; he chooses not to wear the large and chunky gemstone rings or the exotic furs, but is perfectly fine in wearing commoner clothing. His coronation was to be publicly held in two weeks’ time, and the King had asked Woojin to become Jihoon’s special knight; one who would protect him from the people who wanted to see Jihoon and the kingdom crumble. 

“What are you to inform me of, my knight?”

Woojin looks up to the prince, whose face was unreadable.

“My prince, the guards had alerted me that our kingdom may be invaded.”

The prince hums a response, his expression still blank. 

“And how would they do so?”

“Its reasoning is unable to be determined as of now. My men and I plan on looking further into it as soon as the sun comes up.”

“I see.”

A pause follows. 

“Are the doors outside locked?”

“Yes, my prince.”

“Good.”

The prince closes the wide gap between them, and Woojin doesn’t move. Instead, he takes the time to rest his hands comfortably around the others’ waist, and the two of them stay this way for a second.

“Because,” Jihoon breathed, “I can finally do this.”

And they kiss. It’s somewhat of a greeting for the both of them, the way that one welcomes their lover home. Woojin closes his eyes and brings the other closer, and when they finally separate, Jihoon has his head resting on Woojin’s shoulder, and all is quiet.

They’ve been sneaking around for months now; it all started when Woojin had to go chasing after him four years ago when Jihoon tried to run away from the castle. They were both young and foolish back then; with clumsy first kisses and awkward hand-holding in the royal garden while everyone was asleep. But, their relationship bloomed and they remained to stay by each other's side, whether it be in secret or not. So, when the King had appointed Woojin to be Jihoon’s knight (to which Woojin later found out was Jihoon’s doing), it made everything much easier. 

“You haven’t been coming around recently, so I got worried,” Jihoon whispers, “Is everything alright?”

“Sorry,” Woojin murmured, “Your father wanted me to patrol at night again, and I didn’t know how to meet you safely.”

They stay in this intimate position, quiet as they try to make the most out of their time together. Even through the stained glass, the moon shines through the windows, colored lights reflecting and bouncing off the walls. It’s almost like this is their little corner of the universe, where status meant nothing, and love meant all.

“I hate that we have to sneak around like this,” Jihoon frowns, entwining his fingers with Woojin’s, “I know we’ve been doing it for a while, but I just wish we didn’t have to.”

“It’s just what the universe planned out,” Woojin says dismissively, “All we can do is make the most of it and hope that something can change later somehow.”

“You always say that,” Jihoon snorts, “Don’t you ever feel like you want to  _ change  _ something? What if we can change our destiny?”

“Then we’ll change it later,” Woojin says. He knows that when it comes to arguing, Jihoon will always win. 

“But for now,” he added, placing a kiss on his forehead, “Let’s just enjoy this moment, yeah? We might never get it back.”

 

* * *

 

Woojin thinks that the universe has an odd way of making things fall into place. Sometimes, he can’t tell if his life is falling apart, or if it’s somehow coming together. 

It’s late evening at the royal palace, and the King and Queen were once again holding another ball. It was an event for all royals, with ceilings that sparkled like the champagne that filled glasses, the platters of food that he couldn’t even afford to imagine tasting, and the chamber orchestra playing a never-ending tune. Aristocrats from all over flooded into the palace, wearing luxurious dresses and suits, hiding under a single masquerade mask. Jihoon too took part, wearing a simple black and white tuxedo and a deep maroon mask to cover his eyes. 

“Woojin,” Jihoon whispers, “What are you doing?”

Woojin sighed. He had pulled Jihoon out from the crowd a few minutes ago, dragging him outside to the balcony. He shifts his bowtie and loosens it, and turns his head to make sure that nobody else was around. 

“I have a gift for you.”

“A gift?” Jihoon asks, his eyebrow raised, “You’re not the type to give gifts. Is this another prank?”

“No, no,” Woojin says, shaking his head, “It’s a real gift. Can you close your eyes for me?”

Jihoon gives him a suspicious stare, and then closes his eyes.

“Are you  _ sure _ this isn’t a prank?”

“Yes. Now can you _ please _ close your eyes? Don’t act like I can’t see you peeking.”

Jihoon huffs, and Woojin starts to fish around in his pocket for his gift.

“Okay. You can look again.”

Jihoon first pauses, as if he’s waiting for a bucket of water to land on his head, or some other type of Woojin antic to appear, but then slowly opens his eyes. He’s greeted with an extremely flustered Woojin, holding nothing but a small, tan leather pouch in his hands. Woojin takes the pouch and places it into Jihoon’s hands.

“What is this?”

“You’ll see if you just open it.”

And Jihoon does. He gasps as he sees the small glint that sparkles on the inside of the pouch, and takes it out.

It’s a small ring. It doesn’t look like the fancy ones that his mother wears on her fingers, but it’s a simple gold band. There’s a small diamond and sapphire that lie parallel from each other on both sides, and as Jihoon holds it up into the moonlight, the gemstones reflect light back. 

“Woojin...this is…”

“It’s not the fanciest thing in the world,” Woojin says, “But I wanted to give you something to mark our four years since I first was sent to go find you.” 

“I begged the blacksmith to help make me one because I can’t afford a real ring,” Woojin admits, almost embarrassed, “So I traded some of my bread and cheese with him. I hope it’s okay. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.”

Jihoon slides the ring onto his fourth finger almost instantly, and removes his masquerade mask to meet Woojin’s eyes. 

“I couldn’t care less about its materialistic value,” Jihoon whispers, “It’s from you. And that’s what makes it priceless.”

“You’re my forever,” Woojin murmurs into his ear, “I love you. Always.”

Jihoon’s heart quickens at his honest yet sappy words. They’re under a full moon, all by themselves and under the stars - the exact same way they were four years ago during their first encounter. 

And once again, they find themselves kissing. Jihoon’s mask falls to the ground and is left ignored, Woojin snaking his hands around Jihoon’s waist, and the elder brings him in closer. There’s a feeling of peace that hangs in the air, and Woojin and Jihoon, for the first time, feel like they’re the only two people in the world. 

There’s many things that the universe has given him that Woojin is grateful for, but if there’s one that he could pinpoint it on, it would be Jihoon.

 

* * *

 

Woojin learns that the universe has an odd way of suddenly deciding to bring everything that you had known as “home” to its knees. It’s peculiar; he’s never done anything to the universe, so what does it have against him? He’s never gone against it or what it ever had in store for him, but for the first time, he wants to. 

It’s a typical afternoon. The royal family is eating dinner (Woojin picks at his, because for the love of God, the fish on his plate was staring back at him), and the King and Queen were casually chatting over the kingdom and whatnot. Woojin and Jihoon were eating silently, pretending to listen, as the two secretly held hands underneath the table. Their fingers interlocked, they proceeded to keep up with the act, and Wooijn squeezed his hand for reassurance. 

And that’s when the universe decided to say,  _ “Hey, let’s just take your life, and rip it into shreds!”  _ The meal is interrupted as someone bursts through the doors, frantic as they wipe the soot from their outfit. Woojin recognizes them as the royal jester.

“What is the matter?” The King asks, now frowning, “Why are you covered in ash?”

“The palace is under attack!” The jester cries out, pointing outside of the large, glass windows, “The enemy has taken over the kingdom! They’re coming with troops by the second!”

Woojin and the royal family rushed to the window, and their eyes widened. An army was currently marching into the palace, some riding horses and others holding torches, causing destruction at their every path. Even from the windows, Woojin could see the trees going up in flames and his comrades dropping dead like flies. 

They were under attack. Woojin’s blood goes cold, and he and Jihoon instantly stand up.

“Quick, everyone, please get into the rooms!” The King yelled, and all the servants frantically started to leave the dining hall to hide. The marching of the army got louder and louder by the second, and the King rushed over to Woojin and Jihoon. The Queen followed in suit, rushing out the door to announce that the palace was going into a lockdown. 

“What are you two doing here? You have to go!”

“But your Majesty, you and Your Highness,” Woojin argued, “I can’t just leave you two to die-”

“Don’t worry about us,” he ordered, “I want you to make sure my son is safe. He is the future for this kingdom, and if anyone has to stay alive, it’s him.”

“Besides,” he continued, placing a hand on Woojin’s shoulder, “You aren’t the only one who has a few years of experience on the battlefield. You underestimate your King.”

A large  _ BOOM _ from a cannonball firing was heard outside. The King gives Jihoon a firm look, as if he was trying to say, “ _ The kingdom is in your hands now. Do not let me die in vain, Jihoon. Your mother and I have always been very proud of you _ .” He instantly turned away, unsheathing his sword. 

“Now go!”

The two of them dash down the never-ending staircases, taking the servants’ secret entrances to the secret safehouse. The King had built it ten years ago, knowing that this situation would indeed happen someday, and Woojin pulled Jihoon in the room with him.

“Jihoon,” Woojin says slowly, “You have to listen to me. I want you to go to the safehouse and stay there until I get back. Don’t open for  _ anyone _ , do you understand?”

“I can’t let you die!” Jihoon argues, “Woojin, I can’t just stay locked in some room without knowing if you’re okay!”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do! But this is differen-”

“Then trust me now,” Woojin interrupts him. “Right now, my utmost priority is making sure you’re okay.”

He gives Jihoon’s hand a firm squeeze. “I gave you this ring so that no matter how far apart we are from each other, you can always feel like you have a part of me alongside you. Just wait here. I will do everything I can to get back to you.”

Jihoon’s silent as he grips Woojin’s hand hard. Woojin doesn’t have to hear him speak to know how the boy’s feeling right now, terrified of what’s to come. It’s about the “what-ifs” and the fear that this might be the last time that they ever see eachother again.

“When this is all over, and the people have all been saved, I want you to come back to me,” Jihoon speaks, his voice shaking ever-so-slightly, “I want you to come back safe. That’s a royal order. Do you understand?”

Woojin cracks a smile at his lover, who’s trying his best to act brave and not burst into tears. He gives Jihoon a firm nod, and kneels the same way he has. 

“Your wish is my command.”

They don’t get to say an official goodbye. The shouting intensifies, and Woojin quickly grabs his sword and rushes outside to join the battle. Jihoon immediately flees into the underground room, locking the doors, huddled in the dark corner as he prayed for Woojin to come back safely. 

Jihoon thinks that the universe has a funny way of pulling things apart. He just hopes that he and Woojin can be together again.

 

* * *

**Present Time (20th Century)**

**Seoul, South Korea**

 

Park Woojin did  _ not _ want to be here. His friends Lee Daehwi and Bae Jinyoung had dragged him off to the Seoul History Museum (Woojin found it extremely odd how the two bonded over history) and groaned as Daehwi and Jinyoung excitedly flipped through the informational pamphlet. There were so many other things he could be doing right now, such as finally finishing all the homework that he put off for weeks, but here he was, looking at old renaissance sculptures that stared right back at him. 

“Oh, look, there’s a new exhibition!” Jinyoung said, his eyes shining as he looked up, “Let’s check it out! It’s the only one I haven’t been to yet!”

“Do we have to?” Woojin begged, his eyes still fixed on the entrance, “I mean, we can just...go back.”

“And to not go see how people lived back in the 15th century? Of course not!” Daehwi insisted, dragging Woojin along, “Besides, we’ve already paid. There’s no turning back now!”

The statues’ eyes seemed to follow Woojin down the long hallway.

“These paintings are so delicate,” Daehwi mused, “It’s crazy to think they’ve been preserved for such a long time.” Jinyoung and him entwined their hands together, romantic as they ogled at the artifacts. On the other hand, Woojin snorted in disbelief about how they could find this so fascinating, and was impatiently tapping his foot, just wanting to get out of there. 

“Come on, Woojin,” Daehwi huffed, pulling his friend back from the exit sign, “At least enjoy it while it’s here.”

“Like hell I’d find looking at dusty old objects entertaining.”

“Ooh, look at this!” Jinyoung excitedly interrupts, “It’s a ring from the 15th century!”

The boys clamor around. Though old, the ring was surprisingly still in good shape. The gold band still had not rusted, and the sapphires and diamonds cut into the sides still shone under the museum lights. Covered in a thick glass box, they placed their hands onto it, in awe. 

“It’s preserved so nicely,” Daehwi breathed, “It’s beautiful.”

“According to the pamphlet,” says Jinyoung, skimming as reads, “This ring is from the House of Park back in the 15th century during the overthrow of the kingdom. After the royal palace had burned down, all evidence was lost besides this. The ring belonged to the Crown Prince at the time, who unlike the others, was in a safehouse and is the only survivor.”

“Apparently, one of the royal knights gave the ring to him. It’s speculated by historians that the two were actually lovers.” 

“What happened to the prince?”

“It says here that after he found out that the knight had died along with the rest,” Jinyoung continued, “He became a peasant, and wandered throughout the countryside in grief. They found him collapsed by the old palace a few months later, and they say he died from ‘ takotsubo cardiomyopathy’.”

“Put that in English, please.”

“It’s where your heart’s left ventricle starts weakening, usually from grief or stress, so I guess the prince died from a literal broken heart. Good thing I paid attention in Anatomy last semester.”

“Sounds like my type of tragic and forbidden love story,” Daehwi sighed, “Jinyoung, how come we weren’t born 500 years earlier?” His boyfriend shrugged in response. 

“What do you think, Woojin?” Daehwi asked, turning around to his third-wheel of a friend, “Does  _ this _ at least impress you?”

While the couple had been marveling at the ring, Woojin was not. As soon as he saw the ring, his head started to throb, blood rushing to his ears as he tried to cease the pain. A strange voice had taken over inside his mind, whispering the same phrase over and over again.

_ You are my forever. _

_ I love you. _

_ Always. _

The pain intensified and he was now keeled over, wincing and clutching his head, and his friends rushed over concerned. 

“Woojin? Woojin, are you okay?” Daehwi asked, slightly shaking the boy, “Hey, can you hear us?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Woojin replied, his eyes still shut, trying to ignore the searing pain on his forehead, “I’m just gonna go outside. I might’ve stayed up too late playing video games last night or something.”

The couple shot each other an understanding look, and Jinyoung sighed. “If you say so. Call us if you need anything, okay?”

Woojin sighed. As soon as he got out of the museum, the pain ceased and he was back to normal. Too afraid to go back inside, he sat alone on a park bench, chugging down a plastic water bottle as he stared out at the busy street. 

“Care for some company?”

He looked up to see a boy around his age smiling down at him. He was wearing a cream colored sweater and black jeans, a pair of round spectacles covering his chestnut-colored eyes. Woojin took a quick look of the boy, with his wavy brown hair, down to his oddly colored shoes, and something inside his brain clicks. 

_ “You know this person!” his inner voice screams at him, “Come on, how can you forget them? Are you kidding me?” _

“Do...do I know you from somewhere?” Woojin asks the boy cautiously, “You look so familiar…”

The boy sighed in response. “You really are as dense as you were back then.”

“‘You are my forever. I love you. Always’,” the boy quotes, peering into Woojin’s eyes, “Does that ring a bell?”

And just as if the universe had planned for it, the memories started crashing down. They come into Woojin’s mind all at once, from the time they met, to the time they first kissed, to the time they last saw each other, and everything in-between. It’s almost like the light bulb had turned on inside, finally ending with Woojin sliding the ring onto Jihoon’s finger, whispering and asking for Jihoon to wait for him. From the day that Woojin first saw him from behind the aspen trees, to the day where they lost everything and the sky was up in flames. His head spins at all of the sudden images, snapping back into reality to face the boy who was now staring hopefully back at him.

“Oh my god,” Woojin whispered, “Jihoon, I...how?” 

The boy took off his glasses, breaking out into a relieved smile. 

“It’s been a while, Woojin.”

“But, this doesn’t make sense!” Woojin insisted, his eyes still gaping at the other, now tearing up, “I-I lost you that day. I remember trying to get back to you, and everything went black. I-”

“I thought I lost you forever,” Jihoon finishes, wiping away his own tears, “Yeah. I thought so too. You have no idea how it felt when I went back outside and saw everything destroyed.”

“How long have you known?” Woojin whispered, taking the boy’s hands into his, “I had no idea until I came to the museum. That ring inside, that’s the one that I gave you before I died, right? I remember begging the blacksmith to make it for me.”

“To be truthful, I didn’t know much longer than you did,” Jihoon admits, “I was actually inside too, and I saw the back of your head, but I thought I was dreaming. I didn’t know until I saw that your face...I just hoped you realized soon, too.”

“I could never forget you, Jihoon,” Woojin confesses, “You were my everything back then.”

They share a kiss; and once again, it’s another greeting. It’s more of a “welcome home” than anything, and Woojin closes his eyes and asks himself if this is still real, and if it’s really happening. In the back of his mind, he secretly thanks the universe or whoever decided to put him and Jihoon back together again. Maybe it was the red string of fate that pulled them back, maybe it was just meant to be, or maybe they were destined to end up as one - and time couldn’t change that. 

“We can finally live the life that we wanted to,  _ together _ ,” Jihoon whispers, their noses almost touching, “No more sneaking out, no more hiding; just you and me.”

“Park Jihoon, I hope you know that now that I have you again, I’m not letting you get away so easily,” Woojin says back, bringing the boy back in for another kiss - 

> _ “And if you lose yourself, I’ll find you.” _

__

**Author's Note:**

> *sweats* hello!  
> i've been wanting to write a reincarnation au since forever, and this work had been rotting away at 0.9k in my drafts for a while, so for some reason, i decided to just blast-update and post this all in one go. it's extremely unedited and not the best, but i hope you enjoyed it!   
> i've liked this song since middle school (mandy voice: caro is such a local) but i wanted to dedicate this fic especially to jai, jenny, and mandy. i hit a really rough patch a week or two ago, and i felt like i lost myself...hence the title. i feel like they helped me stay sane and myself when i really needed someone the most - so to you three, thank you. i'm forever grateful, and it's truly my honor to have been able to become your friend. (also special shoutouts to gayer totas - jess, alhei, pratu, nini, rae, mariah, gabby, you guys rock!!!)
> 
> i plan to be back soon with another work, and i hope you can anticipate it! this is an unedited work, so i plan on going back in and redoing some parts. please let me know what you thought of it! feel free to follow me on twitter.
> 
> thank you again for all of the support. shoutout to nini, rae, and pratu for reading this before it was posted. :-)


End file.
